Nice wolves! Lazy pigs! Sassy Grandmothers! Sweet step-mothers! For three weeks the classrooms were buzzing with excitement over these new points of view. It was hard to pick which ones to put on the blog, but I chose Kelly's (6th grade) because her story should be shared with everybody; it is that good! She and I brainstormed a bit (both of us being sports fans), but I can't take credit for her tale. It is fantastic, funny and creative. Enjoy "The Real Story of Snow White and the Seven Dwarves" as told by Snow herself.
I know that you’ve heard I’m a beautiful, prissy princess. While being a beautiful princess isn’t a problem, I find that being called prissy is insulting, and Walt Disney’s portrayal of me even more so. So here I am to tell the real story of Snow White and the Seven Dwarves.
I used to live with my evil step-mom in a big, big castle. When I say “evil”, I literally mean evil, not just mean. Man, she was so creepy. My step-mom spent all day in her room, talking and talking to that freaky mirror she found years ago, She made me wear stupid dresses and didn’t respect my nickname, Snow. AND, she hated sports. So I hated her.
One day I just became too fed up with step-mom to live in the same castle with her, so I packed up my jerseys and cleats, and headed into the forest. I had always dreamed of creating some sports team with animals in the forest—like bear football, or unicorn baseball. I was just wandering around the forest with all my bags, looking for some exceptionally aggressive unicorns, when I came across a small, but modern little building. The name of the building, in very small letters, was “Seven Dwarves Sports Lounge.”
Perfect! If there were baseball-playing unicorns in the forest, they would be here! I walked inside, looking for silvery single-horned horses, but inside I found the place completely empty except for seven miniature people, watching seven big screens on the walls, featuring seven different games. At first I had thought that they were children, but then I realized that they were dwarves. This came as a shock to me. If I had known there were dwarves in the forest, I would have already organized some dwarf sports team. Like I did with the ogres and griffins. But that’s another story.
I walked up to a red-headed dwarf with glasses.
“Hmmrrph?” said the dwarf, his eyes glued to the screen. When he turned and saw me, his eyes widened. “A customer! Finally! What is it you need, ma’am?”
“Um, I was just, you know, wondering, if you or any of your, um, friends played sports?”
The little dwarf stood up hastily. “Are you one of those traveling coaches, looking for new talent?”
“Uh, sure,” I replied, wanting to know if he did play sports.
“Well then, yes, we all play soccer. “
“YES! Well, that’s just great. I happen to love coaching soccer,” I told him gleefully.
“That’s great! I’m Doc, that’s Happy, Sleepy, Sneezy, Grumpy, Bashful, and Dopey.” Doc said, pointing to six other dwarves scattered all around the room. “When shall we get started?”
The dwarves went upstairs to put on their soccer gear, and in no time at all we were out in the meadow, scrimmaging so I could see their skills. The dwarves were very fast and strong, and over the months I trained them, I soon had whipped them into even better shape. I signed us up for the Magical Creature Soccer League.
Before I knew it, our first game had arrived. We were playing the Mean Greens, the witches.
“Okay everyone,” I said as I gave my pre-game pep talk to them, “We all know that the witches are mean, green, and they play dirty. We’re here to play a clean game, but if they shove you, just foul them back. Ok, on the count of three, one…two…three!”
“MIGHTY MIDGETS!” The dwarves all shouted the team name we had voted on weeks ago. The dwarves ran onto the field.
The whole game I was yelling out instructions.
“Bashful! If Happy passes you the ball, run as fast as you can down the field and shoot! And Dopey! Mark #37! No, the one to your left!”
Wow, that game went fast! I was so busy yelling I didn’t even know what the final score was. But when the referee blew three long whistles, I could tell who won from the way the seven dwarves jumped up in glee.
I was so happy about us winning that I started everybody in a victory lap. Afterwards, we decided to have a pizza party at Bob’s Pizza.
Here’s where the trouble started.
I told the team I’d meet them there, because I wanted to grab my jacket from the sports lounge (I was living upstairs with the dwarves). So I ran back there, and when I opened the door, I was extremely shocked to find an old hunch-backed woman sitting in a seat, watching the big screen.
I mean, this place never gets any customers. Since this was our first one in months, (the last one had been me) I decided to be a little late for pizza and serve her.
“Is there anything I can get you ma’am?”
“Yes, please, dear. Could you be so kind to cut up this apple for me?” she said in a weak, tired voice, pulling an apple out of her pocket.
I cut up the apple in the kitchen and returned the pieces on a plate to the old woman.
“Thank you, dear. Here, have a slice,” she offered.
“Oh, ok. Thank you. Sharing is caring,” I said, not knowing that that was the last word I would utter for a long time. I took a bite of the piece of apple, and the entire world went black.....
The dwarves filled me in on what happened while I was “sleeping”. Turns out that while I was unconscious, the dwarves were having a fun party at the pizza place with Bob. When they came home, they saw me lying on the floor and analyzed the apples by testing them out on a poor passing unicorn. They didn’t know who tried to kill me or why, but they built me this beautiful glass coffin that I was stuck in for months.
Then one day, this guy came to the sports lounge. I never actually learned his name, but the dwarves showed him my coffin, and he (to the dwarves’ dismay) took the top of the coffin off, looked down into my lifeless body, and slapped me on the face.
You may have heard that “true love’s kiss” or something woke me up, but it was that hard slap that got my heart and brain running. So I opened my eyes and was confused about why I was sitting in a glass coffin and why I felt like I had just been slapped in the face. And without another word, the strange guy left, and never returned.
You probably believed that we got married and lived happily ever after, but whoever wrote about my life made some serious mistakes. I never saw that guy again, and though I searched the kingdom for him, I never found out who he was, how he knew to slap me, and why he did.
I, meanwhile, continued to coach the Mighty Midgets, and, I must say, they are doing better than ever.
And guess what? We lived happily ever after.
This next story is by Sophia (6th grade). I love how she makes the wolf completely likable, and blaming the whole Eating-Grandma/Chasing Red problem on poor eye sight. She is so creative!
(A note on her footnote.... Arushi is the grandmother in HER version of Little Red Riding Hood!)
Little Red Riding Hood
by The Wolf
Hello. I am the wolf who met Little Red Riding Hood. Wait! Wait! Don’t scream and run away! I want to straighten out all the wrong things the stories have implied. So please listen, because this is my side of "Little Red Riding Hood...."
It was on a Saturday morning. I was driving to the optometrist where I had an appointment. My eyesight had been horrible lately. I got there and to my surprise, disappointment, and anger it was closed. What was up with that?!?! I had already made an appointment so why-oh whatever.
I angrily was walking back to my house when I saw what looked like my MORTAL ENEMY! He had beaten me in the Wolfen Games at school so many times I couldn’t count, and he bragged about it!
Anyway, being the idiot and grouch-pot that I was on that Saturday, I started up an argument. I was really mad over the optometrist incident and it was not good judgment.
Anyhoo, Red Riding Hood (which was who it actually was—I just couldn't see well) got so scared at this wolf speaking English and yelling at her that she hurried on toward her grandmother’s house. Without her knowing, I followed her. I didn’t know why my mortal enemy (Little Red Riding Hood in reality) would be walking into a hill. Remember, I had horrible eyesight, so cottages could look like hills.
So I walked into the house after Red and totally freaked her and her grandmother out. I, however, didn’t notice. I was too busy focusing on that freshly cooked turkey laying on that rock. Of course, it was Red’s grandmother lying on her bed, but I didn’t know that, because I couldn't see well. I popped the “turkey” into my mouth, to grandmother's and granddaughter’s complete terror. I once again wasn’t paying attention however, because I had horrible acid reflex. Ouch!
I didn’t know why there would be water in a hill, but I started looking for it.
What did you say? Of course eating grandmothers causes you acid reflex! What did you think?
As I was half looking, half feeling around for water, I came across a wiry, glassy thing.
I put them on, saw Red Riding Hood, the bed (now vacated) and tasted (eeww) grandmother!
I was aghast until I smelled granny’s perfume on the glasses. I HATE perfume. I sneezed a massive sneeze and.....
GRANNY CAME FLYING OUT!!!!*
Ouch! I was very, very sorry and was about to apologize when Red Riding Hood’s mother burst through the door, took in the scene and began charging at me!
“No, no I am very very very sorry!” I said.
“What makes you think I’ll believe that?” said Red’s mother.
I spent the rest of the hour explaining my situation, and in the end everyone was still mad! Granny of course was, but so were Red and her mother! I got kicked out of the house, very mad that my day was getting worse and worse! That is where all of my typical stories end, but there is more!
Later that day, Red Riding Hood, her mother, and her granny came to my house saying that they understood my situation completely and that they were sorry. I also apologized again and
then asked them if they would like to go to lunch! They accepted, and I paid (of course).
The next day, Red’s mother drove me to the optometrist and I got a pair of glasses.
Well, that’s the real story of "Little Red Riding Hood". Oh wait, one more thing. The wolf, me, is not a boy wolf. I am a girl! All stories portray the wolf as a boy, but I am a girl.
Thanks for listening to my side of the story. It just goes to show you, one should always listen to the wolf.
*With apologies to Arushi!